Character Trait: Forbearing

To engage your reader, it's important to always show not tell the traits of your characters. Forbearing is a character trait that refers to the ability to endure difficult situations or people with patience, tolerance, and self-control. It involves the willingness to overlook minor annoyances or offenses and to remain calm and composed in the face of challenges or provocation. A forbearing person is able to keep their emotions in check and maintain a positive attitude, even when things don't go according to plan. This trait is often associated with wisdom, maturity, and resilience.

Possible causes of being forbearing

You might want to weave these into your character's back story to build a more believable character.

• A nurturing or supportive upbringing that emphasized patience and understanding
• Natural disposition towards empathy and compassion, leading to a more forgiving and patient approach to others
• Exposure to diverse cultures or perspectives that fostered a broad-minded and tolerant attitude
• Personal experiences of hardship or adversity that taught the value of endurance and resilience

Behaviors associated with being forbearing

You may be able to show your character's trait of forbearing by using these.

• Showing restraint and self-control in emotionally charged situations
• Being empathetic and understanding towards others
• Being willing to compromise and find common ground
• Giving others the benefit of the doubt
• Accepting mistakes and forgiving others
• Avoiding impulsive reactions in difficult situations
• Remaining calm and composed under pressure
• Listening patiently to others
• Avoiding harsh criticism or judgment of others

Attitudes associated with being forbearing

You may be able to show forbearing through their attitudes.

• Empathy
• Generosity
• Forgiveness
• Patience
• Compassion
• Non-judgmental
• Open-mindedness
• Calmness
• Tolerance
• Resilience
• Diplomacy
• Flexibility
• Understanding
• Self-control

Thoughts and struggles associated with being forbearing

Here are some ideas for things your forbearing character may think or struggle with.

• In moments of conflict or disagreement, they may feel the urge to avoid confrontation and maintain harmony, even if it means sacrificing their own opinions or beliefs.
• They may have a hard time expressing their own needs and desires, often putting others before themselves.
• They may have a tendency to forgive easily, sometimes to their own detriment, and struggle with setting healthy boundaries.
• A forbearing character may struggle with finding the balance between being patient and not letting others take advantage of them.

Emotions associated with being forbearing

Here are some ideas for emotions your forbearing character may experience.

• Endurance
• Tolerance
• Acceptance
• Forgiveness
• Compassion
• Patience
• Understanding
• Self-control
• Resilience

Facial expressions associated with being forbearing

Here are some facial expressions your forbearing character may exhibit.

• A willingness to listen and empathize
• A calm and peaceful demeanor
• A lack of tension or stress in the face
• A gentle smile
• A patient and tolerant look
• A relaxed and open facial expression
• A thoughtful and contemplative expression
• Soft, understanding eyes
• A non-judgmental attitude

Body language associated with being forbearing

Here is some body language your forbearing character may exhibit.

• Using soft and gentle gestures, such as a light touch on the arm or a reassuring pat on the back
• Avoiding aggressive or confrontational body language, such as pointing fingers or crossing arms tightly over the chest
• Maintaining a relaxed and open posture, with arms uncrossed and body facing towards the person they're speaking with
• Keeping a neutral or calm facial expression, even when feeling frustrated or annoyed
• Patiently waiting and listening to others without interrupting them

Behaviors associated with being forbearing

Here are some behaviors your forbearing character may exhibit.

• Avoiding harsh criticism or judgment of others
• Being empathetic and understanding towards others
• Remaining calm and composed under pressure
• Accepting mistakes and forgiving others
• Avoiding impulsive reactions in difficult situations
• Showing restraint and self-control in emotionally charged situations
• Listening patiently to others
• Being willing to compromise and find common ground
• Giving others the benefit of the doubt

Growth and evolution of forbearing characters

Here are some ways that your forbearing character may grow and evolve over time.

• Developing a greater sense of self-worth and standing up for themselves
• Learning to express their needs and boundaries more effectively
• Letting go of grudges and resentment towards others
• Acknowledging and processing their emotions instead of suppressing them
• Developing a greater sense of empathy and understanding towards others' perspectives
• Becoming more assertive and less passive in their interactions with others
• Recognizing the importance of self-care and taking time for themselves
• Forgiving themselves and others for past mistakes or transgressions
• Learning to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner

Stereotypes of forbearing characters to avoid

Try to avoid writing stereotypical forbearing character like these examples.

• The "doormat" stereotype, where the Forbearing character always puts up with mistreatment from others without standing up for themselves.
• The "pushover" stereotype, where the Forbearing character always caves in to others' demands without asserting their own needs or desires.
• The "emotionless" stereotype, where the Forbearing character is so calm and collected that they never show any emotional response to difficult situations.
• The "weak" stereotype, where the Forbearing character is physically or emotionally frail and unable to stand up for themselves or others.
• The "saint" stereotype, where the Forbearing character is always forgiving and self-sacrificing without any hint of frustration or anger.
• The "passive-aggressive" stereotype, where the Forbearing character harbors resentment and bitterness towards others but never confronts them directly.

Negatives of being forbearing

Here are some potential negatives of being forbearing. Note: These are subjective and some might also be seen as positives depending on the context.

• May be perceived as weak or indecisive by others
• Tendency to avoid confrontation and conflict, which can lead to being taken advantage of
• Difficulty in setting boundaries and saying "no," leading to being overwhelmed or overworked
• May enable the bad behavior of others, rather than holding them accountable
• Difficulty in standing up for oneself or advocating for one's needs and desires
• Resentment may build up over time if grievances are not addressed, leading to outbursts or passive-aggressive behavior

Positives of being forbearing

Here are some potential positives of being forbearing. Note: These are subjective and some might also be seen as negatives depending on the context.

• Forbearance can help characters maintain strong relationships, as they are willing to overlook minor flaws and forgive mistakes.
• It can allow characters to see the bigger picture and act in the best interest of others, even if it means sacrificing their own desires or goals.
• It enables characters to show empathy and understanding towards others, even when they are being difficult or hurtful.
• Forbearance allows characters to remain calm and patient under difficult circumstances.

Verbal expressions of forbearing characters

Here are some potential expressions used by forbearing characters.

• "I'll give you some space if you need it."
• "It's okay, take your time."
• "I forgive you."
• "No need to apologize, I understand."
• "Let's talk about this calmly and find a solution."
• "I can see your point of view."
• "I understand how you feel."
• "Everyone makes mistakes."
• "I won't hold it against you."

Relationships of forbearing characters

Here are some ways that being forbearing could affect your character's relationships.

• Forbearing individuals may be seen as easy-going and low maintenance in relationships.
• They may be able to tolerate and forgive mistakes made by others.
• Forbearance can lead to a lack of boundaries in relationships, causing them to become overly accommodating.
• Forbearance can also lead to a lack of assertiveness, causing issues with conflict resolution.
• However, their patience can also be taken advantage of by others.
• They may struggle to express their own needs and desires in a relationship.
• Forbearance can lead to patient and understanding relationships with others.

Examples from books of characters who are forbearing

• Jean Valjean from "Les Misérables" by Victor Hugo
• Dumbledore from "Harry Potter" series by J.K. Rowling
• Gandalf from "The Lord of the Rings" by J.R.R. Tolkien
• Jane Eyre from "Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte
• Hazel Grace Lancaster from "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green
• Atticus Finch from "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee
• Samwise Gamgee from "The Lord of the Rings" by J.R.R. Tolkien
• Scout from "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee
• Hester Prynne from "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Writing exercises for writing forbearing characters

Here are some writing exercises you might try for learning to write forbearing characters.

• Create a scene in which a character faces a difficult situation and must resist the urge to react impulsively or aggressively. Show how they use patience and self-control to handle the situation calmly and rationally.
• Develop a backstory for a character that explains how they learned to be patient and forgiving. Did they have a difficult childhood? Did they experience a trauma or hardship that taught them to be resilient and persevere in the face of adversity?
• Write a character who struggles with impulsivity and anger issues. Show how they learn to be more forbearing through therapy, self-reflection, or the influence of a wise mentor figure.
• Write a dialogue between two characters in which one is angry or upset and the other remains calm and understanding. Show how the forbearing character listens attentively, empathizes with the other's feelings, and responds with kindness and compassion.